So I have been reading through Renovation of Heart: Experiments in Spiritual Transformation by Dallas Willard and Jan Johnson.
In praying through and thinking about the experiment for Day 32, Next steps towards Love, Joy and Peace, I had a huuuuge a-ha. I was considering what the book refers to as the "destructive feelings" that exist in my life. I have gone through my adult life with a bad habit that I didn't know existed. If I have a bad day, a tough exchange with someone, if a program I planned didn't go well, you get the idea, then I am entitled to some sort of compensation for that unpleasantness. Say something goes wrong, I get home, I replay the day and think to myself, that was miserable I am entitled to....not just a glass of wine with dinner but one after the kids got to sleep, or a giant stack of oreos, or 3 hours of video games that end at 2:00 am.
As I thought these things through I realized that I was standing directly in the way of God's work in my life. The bible talks about "God turning what man intended for harm into good" and "God working all things for the good of those who love him."Instead of acknowledging God's ability to work even in the crap of my life I chose to handle it myself.
I prayed and asked God to forgive me for getting in his way and for the faith to trust Him to handle even the crap in my life.
I love it when God breaks through.